Do you miss new, regular posts on this great website? Sorry for that, but after the negotiation of a fantastic publishing-contract, we decided to go on vacation! After four, six, maybe eight weeks we’ll return to our offices and start with new power on the finalization of our awesome games!
So, please return in a few weeks as we will do!
We believe that We Want Your Money: The Game game will be the best game ever! But the development of such a revolutionary game is very expensive, so we found a new way how to finance it (beside of lending more money from our bank): We’ll release a bunch of other, smaller games until the release of We Want Your Money: The Game game.
One of these games will be our freshly announced FPS. Now – after our little mistake – we’d like to show you REALLY the first screenshot of this game. Here is it:
Do you have any questions about it? Maybe why it’s so small?
The answer is simple: Neither it’s damaged nor is it a new failure of our pretty trainee. This is the result of a looooong meeting with our marketing-department. These overpaid guys decided that we must hold the tension of our fans. So we’ll release the screenshots in parts. What you see here is the first part of the first screenshot. In a few days we’ll release more parts.
Funny, isn’t it?!?
Yesterday we released the first screenshot of our first game that we’ll release in the near future. But unfortunately the quality of the screenshot is awful and – what a blame for us – it was the wrong picture (this is from another fantastic game we’re working on).
So we must apologize and say sorry to you! Please forgive us!!
The consequence of this mistake is, that we set off our complete web-editorial-department, because we don’t accept failures – never ever! So we hired an underpaid, but pretty and horny trainee that give you a compensation for the inconvenience. Look at it and enjoy it!
…of our fantastic FPS, which we announced a few days ago.
Enjoy it!
As you know, we’re very, very, very productive at Take Electronic Vision Soft. Thousands of creative und awesome employes all around the world are working hard on the development of our fantastic upcoming games. Now the time has come to release our first game. It’s the first of a bunch of incredible games.
But to keep you in tension, we’ll release the game step by step. So today … tataaa… we uncloak the genre of our baby: it’s a FPS!
Yeah, a First-Person-Shooter! But not a normal, typical and boring shooter like Call of Duty oder Medal of Honor – no, no, our FPS will be innovative! Really innovative!
So, what’s so revolutionary about our game? “Beside the fact that it’s developed by the best developers of the world, combined with the wonderful power of our marketing- and sales-team, our FPS will have gameplay-elements you’ve never seen before in such a way in a modern game”, says G. Laber, our Head Of Worldwide PR).
He adds: “I think, we’ll crunch all our competitors with this game. In a few months, no one will talk about the new Call of Duty, Medal of Honor or Battlefield! The publishers of these crap-games will cry and end in bankrupty after the release of our FPS!”
In the next few days we’ll release more bits and bobs of our unbelievable FPS.
We want to announce proudly, that we are working on something fantastic. It’s totally unbelievable what we are doing at the time, totally revolutionary!
“I think, we’re doing the best thing in the world, maybe the best thing of the whole universe since the Big Bang!”, comments our CEO the awesome project on which Take Electronic Vision Soft is working on.
Unfortunately we can’t say what’s going on in this wonderful company, but we are all very proud of it. Stay tuned, you crazy fans! And God bless TEVS!
Sincerely,
Hashi Ben Smi Ley
- Worldwide “Good News”-Announcement Manager at Take Electronic Vision Soft -
As we mentioned before: We want your money! Therefore Bill Ballmer-Kane (our World Wide Chief Technical Officer Of Global Web Strategies) is currently working together with our hero Longdong on an awesome web-strategy to earn money and – in the second step – earn more money!!
Our goal is near, because some of our extremely high paid agencies told us, that you, me, we, yessss, everybody could get rich with the internet. Isn’t that fantastilicious!?!? Hell yeah, let’s start this easy business! Because of this you’ll now and in the near future see some wonderfull advertising-banners on our website. Enjoy and click on them to receive unbelievable products and make us rich!
Ok, for the start: CLICK ON THIS BANNER BENEATH HERE!!! CLICK IT! CLICK IT! CLICK IT! CLICK IT!
Our WWCTOGWB (World Wide Chief Technical Officer Of Global Web Strategies) Bill Ballmér-Kane decided that our website needs more traffic. Now! He read the article called “How to earn lots of $$$ on the Internet” in which the following formula is presented repeatedly:
Traffic = Money —> but: more Traffic = more Money!!!
Fantastic! And yet so simple!
After we decided earning money is our primary goal, we’re going to do everything we want, have or need to to fullfill this dream!!
Bill also read another interesting article. It was called “Sex Sells: Boobs-Tube 2010″. Hey, the editorial guy is f***ing right, he says he’s saying the truth and that’s enough for us – we hired him. His name is C.O. C’k from African decent. Everybody just calls him Longdong now. We believe it started in the changing room after our weekly company football match.
Longdong now supports our hard-working website development team. His first action was to come up with the subject of this post. Isn’t it great? We think, it’s brilliant, possibly beyond that even! Longdong is worth every penny, and every inch for that matter. Yo man!
So, to bring more users to this website – and with them more traffic – we’ll release articles with sexual content regularly. Since this is the Internet, we won’t even bother asking for your age. We know you’ll be lying anyway. Stay tuned and be ready to cum back!
Here are some boobs for you! Cristinè, our french intern, happily volunteered to have this picture of her taken. Isn’t she the cutest? Of course we gave her the green card she’s been wanting for so long.
PS: On a related note: FREE BEER!!!
So there’s Electronic Arts’s Plan to Get Your Last Gaming Dollar. But we’re sooooo far ahead of them!
We just like reading news that make our competition look like complete fools!
John Ricitiello (CEO of Electronic Arts) has been talking about the digital distribution revolution for the past ten years. While he was talking, we did it! We have already been selling digitally distributed zeros with great success, while EA is just getting started! We’re not selling horse armor anymore, like they would. Or virtual parrots, like they do. We sell the utmost crap and make a buttload of money more than they do.
But they’re making good progress on the iOS platform, let’s face it: if your breakthrough titles are Tetris and Scrabble, you’re closing in on selling crap for buttloads. Well, maybe we’ll have to buy EA after all. And Zynga along with them.
